to me that you’re giving up your Grad Night to go to my boring graduation. 

That’s love. <3 

I think sometimes, I need to take a step back and see that I do have everything.

I keep reminding myself that I’m going to attend Berkeley in the fall, also known as the number one public school in the nation. I know that I rejected colleges that people would kill to get into. I was lucky enough to get the choice of Berkeley or Los Angeles—a choice a lot of people I know didn’t have. 

Maybe it bothers me that I’m not exactly getting what I want. But that seems so selfish, so… I can’t even find the words to express it. These past two years I’ve gotten every position I wanted and got into all the programs I wanted to get into, so I should be grateful for every single opportunity I’ve ever had. 

I am grateful. I know I am. It’s just that somehow I always wanted to be the underdog who managed to make it out of here successful. I wanted to be the one to prove everyone wrong. I wanted to be the one everyone was proud of. 

And in some way, getting that rejection letter seems like I didn’t do any of that. I know, I know—I’m way too hard on myself. It’s hard to say I don’t care, when I actually do. This could have been a life-changing opportunity. This could have been my ticket to success. This could have been it. 

This is one chapter of my life I have to close. It’s hard letting go of something you wanted so desperately. I don’t know, maybe I just have to be positive about it. Maybe something awesome will happen to me. Maybe something better will come along. 

I think I have to stop defining my intelligence and success by these types of things. I’m tired of seeing myself as “not being good enough” when people can see as someone different:  someone whom they think is the epitome of hardworking and successful. Someone who has made it so far from where she started. I’m done defining myself this way because constantly to be perfect is way too tiring.